I am all crappy. Panicky, anxious, weird.
Has a lot to do with the single momming, I know. It's incredibly hard. Exhausting. It's not that we don't see chris. We see him. Just so not the same. I remember watching the clock, waiting for him to get home from work so I could breathe. I am not breathing any more.
My grandmother is in a rehabilitatiuon center with her broken pelvis. My mom is running herself ragged visiting her before work, during her lunch hour, after work--well into the evening. Like 11pm. And I am not much help. Robbie and I visit her, but it's difficult keeping him interested in the tiny half of my grandmother's shared living space.
My lawn needs to be mowed. Robbie needs a haircut. My house is trashed.
Feels like everything is just so out of control.
My period is a week late.
Stress, probably. Happens to me from time to time. I haven't been eating well or at all.
Thing is, I know better. I know to treat myself better. I know so much.
And yet, I am a total moron.
And I guess the crappy explains why I dyed my hair brown again.
That and the fact it was so many different colors. Red, orange, yellow, brown, grey, root-colored. Not pretty. Though, if I had dreadlocks, it would've looked sweet.
Comments (7)
If we were sitting on the porch, drinking coffee and talking about this right now, I'd scooch over on the swing, and have you sit next to me, put my arm around your shoulder and squeeze it, and sit in quiet understanding while we'd watch the boys play in the park across the street. We'd practice breathing.
Posted by lu | September 30, 2006 11:22 PM
You are so sweet and lovely.
That just made me cry. In that good way.
I love you.
Posted by t | September 30, 2006 11:29 PM
Well jeez don't stress about the hair. I like the hair. ...but you knew I'd say that...
Sometimes you can't worry about "you" when everyone else is in need. Mom's are like that, from my experience. Can you take a night off, get a babysitter and go hang out with whomever isn't a kid? That's what I've seen people do. I've heard it works....
I'm not much use, am I? Poo.
Posted by Anne | October 1, 2006 9:02 AM
Love you back.
Posted by lu | October 1, 2006 1:30 PM
Mine's a week late too. Always makes for a little extra edge of insanity.
The single momming is sooo hard. Hope you get a few minutes of relief this week.
And you know, you're damn cute in my opinion.
Posted by marian | October 2, 2006 10:50 AM
Oh, man. Sorry yours is late, too.
This wouldn't be the best time for me to be all knocked up, but I am where I am.
Thanks. I'm okay.
Posted by t | October 2, 2006 11:24 AM
Dreadlocks might cheer you up though, eh? You'd be ever so cute.
Posted by Jennifer | October 2, 2006 7:51 PM