Not that I plot Dark Deeds or partake in Dark Activities. I do not. I don't even like saying mean things about people. Or thinking them.Too much feeling crappy about it later-on for my liking.
But I do think Darkly. Like, gee, I wish I didn't exist today. Not in a suicide way, just in a never having existed way. It can all be too damned hard. Especially when it isn't hard, it's all lovely in fact, and then something stupid and avoidable happens. "Happens."
Nothing really happens, you know. We get what we put out there. I just thought I have been putting out the good stuff. At least for the most part. Largely. I am smack in the middle of post-manifestational figuring out whyedness.
Why?
I know this isn't what I want. I want my life to look vastly different than it does. Simpler, more fun, more interesting-in-a-good-way. Relaxing. Pretty. With clear skin and a perfect long-sleeved tee shirt for Fall layering.
I don't think we are supposed to struggle. It doesn't make us noble or superior. Living well and all that. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. I am all for the merry. The more the.
Thing is, I am so easily pleased. A gift of a two-liter bottle of Diet dew, matching socks, wearing my pajama-shoes on a cold night. Robbie. Always Robbie.
But, alas. The Dark. I have a severe case of it tonight. And this week. I am trying to just stop it and go with my flow. I think I'm in one of those swirly-water-things. What are those called? I used to be so smart. Or, well, equally as smart but much quicker and with better memory retrieval agents in my head.
Dammit. Where's my Clarence?
Comments (3)
... And yet, look at how pretty, and clever, and clear skinned, and what a great blouse, and did I mention the clear skin and the prettiness?
You are a master phrase turner- nailing the whatchamacallits with a spot-on turn of phrase
"...post-manifestational figuring out whyedness."
Yup.
Posted by lu | October 6, 2006 7:38 AM
Heh. Thank you. I gave up long ago trying to express myself with real, actual words.
That is a good shirt, isn't it? Though, I had a really dumb shirt under it. Not at all well-layered.
I love you, Lu.
Posted by t | October 6, 2006 8:40 AM
I'm on my way over now to bring you a 2-liter bottle of Diet Dew.
In part because you like it, and in part because no one here wants it.
Posted by Karla | October 6, 2006 5:42 PM