trickydoodle

It's weird seeing functional families. Oh, sure, some of them only *look* functional. I know. But, still.

Lately I have been feeling deeply flawed. Like no normal human will ever want me now. Like this last bit of baggage has flipped me right over the top of what is actually acceptable in the grand scope of human mishappenings. Last straw. it's final. I am too flawed.

Before it was easy to imagine I have simply been everywhere and seen everything. I have drank every drink allotted for me in this lifetime, I have slept with pretty much everyone, I've been around the block. Pressed my luck. Gotten lucky more often than not. Survived the times i was not so lucky. Whatever. Character. Strength. I made it. I cleaned myself up, became shiny and new. I made it.

And then this. it's too much.

It's really, really too much. For anyone. For everyone.

I'll never be a part of a regular family. I'll always be alone. I know it.

Obviously, with this attitude, I will be. I know that, too. Damn, I just know everything.

Something about the families tonight hurt me. Hurts me. I have those built-up tears right behind my eyes. Under my skin. In my throat, in my ears. I can taste them.